(A Honeymoon-Ready Disaster Starring Onderi).

Onderi is not your average traveler.

He’s a planner, a dreamer, a man of excessive caution and unmatched optimism. So when he booked a 4-day getaway at Diani Reef Beach Resort & Spa, he didn’t just pack a bag, he prepared for a life-altering expedition.

Not that anyone told him this was just a holiday, not a resettlement plan.

This is the unfiltered tale of how Onderi packed like he was moving into Diani Reef, founding a coastal nation, and possibly opening a tech hub… all at the same time.

The Vibe: Luxury Meets Mental Gymnastics.

Before packing even began, Onderi sat down and asked the important question:

“What if I meet a diplomat on the beach and get invited to an evening gala?”

A solid excuse for:

• Overpacking.
• Unreasonable combinations.
• And believing every “what if” deserves a wardrobe solution.

Suitcase 1: The Clothespocalypse.

This bag wasn’t packed, it was engineered.

Onderi rolled, folded, layered, vacuum-sealed, and arranged clothes in categories, color palettes, and levels of emergency.

Here’s what he packed:

• 7 casual t-shirts – for breakfast, poolside lounging, walking to the bar, etc.
• 4 crisp linen shirts – just in case linen becomes the coastal dress code.
• 2 full suits – one navy, one cream. (To quote Onderi: “Just in case a billionaire invites me to a yacht dinner.”)
• 1 trench coat – because the man fears weather forecasts.
• 3 swim trunks – labeled “chill,” “photoshoot,” and “wave-resistant.”
• 6 shorts, 3 trousers, and one Maasai shuka – “for that cultural Instagram post.”

And shoes?

• 1 pair of sandals.
• 1 pair of loafers.
• 1 pair of sneakers.
• 1 pair of “just-in-case” dress shoes.
• And yes- boots. “I heard the sand can get… rugged.”

By the time he was done, the suitcase looked like a fashion week pop-up store.

Suitcase 2: Grooming Like a Celebrity Chef on Tour.

Onderi doesn’t play with hygiene. Or subtlety.

This bag had more skincare than a TikTok dermatologist.

Inside, he packed:

• Three kinds of shampoo – moisturizing, strengthening, and “ocean-ready.”
• Facial cleansers (morning + night), toner, serums, SPF, after-sun cooling gel, and aloe vera straight from a farm in Limuru.
• Beard oil, beard brush, beard scissors, and beard balm
• Five perfumes – beachy, woody, sexy, diplomatic, and “mosquito-repellent-adjacent”
• Two electric razors, nail clippers, and a travel steamer
• Aromatherapy oils “for mood balancing”
• Bath salts, essential oils, and rose petals (he brought his own petals… just in case)

And finally: a mini humidifier shaped like a pineapple. “Because coastal air deserves hydration too.”

Suitcase 3: Tech, Drama & Pure Imagination.

Here’s where Onderi transformed into a full content creator / disaster risk manager / gadget hoarder.

Inventory includes:

• GoPro + waterproof casing
• Canon DSLR with 3 lenses
• Ring light
• Mini drone
• Bluetooth speaker (plus a backup one “in case vibes break”)
• Selfie stick (extends to 2 meters)
• Tripod (large enough to carry a grown parrot)
• Power bank, extension cord, 4 USBs, and surge protector
• Noise-cancelling headphones (because seagulls can be aggressive)
• Bluetooth kettle – for 6 a.m. tea crises
• One tablet for Netflix
• One Kindle for the idea of reading
• Two notebooks and a feather pen (for dramatic journaling)

Also: a foldable picnic chair, beach mat, and a solar-powered mini fan.

Airport Check-In: Judgment & Negotiation.

At the airline counter:

Airline Staff: “Sir, your three suitcases are 33 kilos over the limit.”
Onderi: “But ma’am, I have tea leaves and emotional baggage in there.”

He paid the excess baggage fee, which cost him the equivalent of a spa package at Diani Reef, and swore he’d use everything.

Spoiler: he didn’t.

Arrival at Diani Reef – Hotel Staff vs Onderi’s Inventory.

Upon arrival, the concierge assumed a corporate retreat was happening.

Concierge: “Will the rest of your team arrive later?”
Onderi: “It’s just me… and my lifestyle.”

The porter needed help… from a second porter.

Amina, his partner, walked in with one bag, a beach hat, and silent judgment.

Day 1 Recap: What He Actually Used.

• Swim trunks
• T-shirt #2
• Toothbrush
• Sunscreen (only once)
• Phone
• Tripod (used once for a poorly framed sunset)

Everything else? Pure overconfidence.

Onderi’s Tips for Fellow Overpackers:

1. You will not attend a yacht gala. Stop packing tuxedos.
2. You don’t need every pair of shoes you’ve ever loved.
3. Room service makes the kettle unnecessary. Also: it’s loud.
4. Nobody cares if your linen shirt is imported from Italy.
5. Bring only what makes you comfortable, not what Instagram will applaud.

Moral of the Story?

You don’t need 3 bags to fall in love with Diani.
All you need is:

• A swimsuit
• An open heart
• And maybe one extra pair of underwear, just in case.

Because at Diani Reef Beach Resort & Spa, life is already luxurious.
No need to pack the whole house. Just bring yourself.

Book Now – Leave the Luggage Drama at Home.

Ready to escape without packing your entire closet?
We’ve got the beach, the spa, the sunsets, and zero judgment (unless you also bring a Bluetooth kettle).

reservations@dianireef.com
+254 709 481 000
www.dianireef.com